In the moments where I was able to detach from my grief enough to tap into our love connection, he showed me that he was ready to go but that he wanted to do so at home with me. He held on through the work week, rallying a few times which made me question whether what I felt he was telling me was correct. About 36 hours ahead of his death, we were blessed by a friend of mine who does amazing work as an energy healer because he shared with me that he felt Scrappy had congestive heart failure and gave me several acupressure/energy massage techniques to help relieve the coughing. That ended up being the gift which allowed me for the first time in months to hold Scrappy in my arms like a baby and I did for hours that last night.
On the morning of June 11, 2016, he woke me just before dawn. The heavy rains of the day before which had dropped 5 inches of rain had subsided, although the ground was very wet. He indicated that he needed to go out so I took him out front, but he didn't need to relieve himself this time. He just laid down in the grass looking up at the sky. I realized the sun was beginning to rise, so I picked him up in my arms and I carried him to the backyard where we could sit on a chair watching the sunrise over the lake. I talked to him, calling his my valiant warrior, to remind him of the lessons we'd learned during our separation the year before about how connected we were, to thank him for how hard he'd worked to protect me, to tell him that it was ok to go now that I would be ok and my mom would as well. I rocked him as he slept with his head on my shoulder somehow breathing easier in my arms than out. I worried that I'd been wrong about when and how he wanted to go, but I was grateful that the sun was out so the picture he'd given me of lying in the grass was possible.
At 8:30 am, I went in to take a shower and let my mentor, Reverend Matthew Smith, know that I needed to cancel our session scheduled for 11 AM. I told Scrappy that I'd be back shortly and wouldn't leave him until he was ready. Matthew called instantly after receiving my message. He asked if it would help to say a prayer. So with me sitting by Scrappy's side, Matthew connected to Spirit and said a beautiful prayer for Scrappy and I. Towards the end of the prayer, Scrappy lifted his head and looked towards the front door. Matthew believed he had heard Spirit call for him.
At about 10:00 am, I began to see the pictures again and feel Scrappy urging me to take him outside to lie in the grass. So I picked up a blanket and a bottle of water which I laid out in the front yard in the narrowing shade of the front trees. Then I picked Scrappy, now very weak, up into my arms. I held him while he had a chance to pee. Then I tried to lay him on the blanket but he let me know that he wanted to be on the grass next to the blanket. I lied him down on his side, head buried in the grass, and sat down next to him on the blanket. I petted him and continued to talk with him about our life together, about the blessing of the sunny Saturday, about the dogs and people that passed by looking lovingly at us with no idea he was dying. Somewhere between 11 AM and 11:30 AM, a helicopter flew over - a rare sight in this area - and Scrappy lifted his head as if to watch the helicopter. He laid his head on my leg and reach weakly with this paws touching my legs and I knew he wanted me to pick him up. I picked him up and seeking more shade, I got up to stand beneath a tree along the driveway. I felt Scrappy's chest tremor or twitch - not quite a cough - so I reminded him of when we used to meditate together. I said to him, "We're going to do yoga breaths now, buddy. Remember? Breathe in [and took a deep breath close to him] and out [exhaling with him]. I felt another tremor and focusing on the deep love feeling surrounding us, I said to him, "One last time now, buddy, and this time breathe ALL the way out, OK? ... Breathe in [and took a really long deep breath], all the way out now ok, my valiant warrior?" And a breathed out a long, sighing breath. Rocking him in my arms I was struck by how peaceful everything had become. I smiled gently at the man across the street who waved from him car, and thought this would be a good place to just rock Scrappy as long as the shade remained. Then as I finished that thought, I knew he had actually crossed when we breathed out that last breath.
So I brought him inside, still holding him cradled in my arms, to tell my parents. I took him to my room and rocked him some more. Then I laid him down gently on the bed where he stayed for hours, looking so peaceful in sleep. I looked back later to say that not only was I grateful that his passing was so quick and peaceful, but humbled by the tremendous gift of being 100% present in unconditional love energy focused only on serving him and his crossing. For those last 12 hours, I was never more clear on what it is like to be 100% present in divine connection to another soul.
In the days that followed his crossing, I received messages from my guides and from Scrappy. They told me it was a time to celebrate. Confused at first by this message, I was reminded about my interest in a field known as death midwifery (or death doula). They said that I needed to acknowledge the gift and blessing of having helped to "birth" Scrappy into his new life. I was very blessed to share my life with Scrappy and experience the very special soul contracts we shared. One of the greatest gifts he gave me was choosing me to be his midwife as he moved from the physical world back into continued life across the Rainbow Bridge.
He comes to me often now -- in dreams, in meditation and even in waking hours. I miss his physical presence. Yet he is still with me continuing to share joy and love, as well as to teaching me more lessons. He has shown me glimpses of his new life and I feel truly blessed.